Once upon a time, there was a little girl who wanted to be a surgeon. Eventually, through some combination of happenstance, hard work, caffeine, and (now that I think about it) probably some unconscious dealings with the devil, she realized her dream and became a surgical resident. Unfortunately, this also resulted in her becoming a sleep-deprived, rage-filled, self-loathing, panic attack-ridden, depressive monster. So, one day, she quit.
Everywhere she went, well-meaning friends and family, and some not-so-well-meaning, Schadenfreude-loving strangers, would ask her, "What are you going to do with your life now?" To which the girl's reaction would usually be hyperventilation and an uncontrollable urge to bawl like a toddler.
Then, after approximately 3494692308239026 hours* of hopeless wallowing, she had an epiphany. It was this: there isn't going to be some great epiphany telling her what to do with her life. So, instead, she decided to channel her frustrations and misery into a public forum, because if there's one thing the world needs more of, it's misery! And also, the alternatives were, in increasing order of patheticalness (which dictionary.com insists is a word, even though "patheticness" seems less bizarre), spending all day watching the Food Network, spending all day playing World of Warcraft while watching the Food Network, spending all day eating ice cream while playing World of Warcraft while watching the Food Network, and spending all day sleeping after gorging on ice cream while World of Warcraft and Food Network play in the background.
THE END.
*calculations are not exact. hyperbole not intended as an accurate representation of my maths skillz. although it may well be.
